


Things Left Unsaid

by cosmicfuss



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M, SO SORRY, keith pov, there is no joy I am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicfuss/pseuds/cosmicfuss
Summary: Thoughts Keith had late at night about a Cuban boy who deserved everything.





	Things Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> this didn’t turn out anything like I had planned when I sat down to write :-)

Wake up. Eat. Train. Fight. Get home. Train. Eat. Train. Try to sleep. Can’t sleep. Pass out. Wake up. Repeat.

Keith has a schedule, one that dates back far before his days in space. The day Shiro was reported dead was the day it began, and the day Keith died up in this limitless, black vacuum of a universe was probably the day it’d end.

Most of his time on earth had consisted of training his body and scouting for clues about Shiro, about what could have happened, where he could be, is he still alive?

And then he’d caught sight of it. A spacecraft unlike any of earth’s technology, flying down into the desert where his home was. Of course, it was also the day he met- reunited with?- Lance. Then, all Lance was was a pretty boy who had a bone to pick with him.

Lance wasn’t all bad, Keith hadn’t wanted to admit it, he had helped rescue Shiro and had- shittily- flown them off the planet to the castleship.

There was a lot that Keith looked back on and wish he’d done differently. It was on cold nights, lonely nights, painful nights, nights like this one that Keith thought about it all, somewhere between that “can’t sleep” and “pass out” part of his schedule.

Maybe he could’ve explained it better.

_“Yeah I remember you,” he could lie momentarily, “great job at doing good.”_

Lance probably would’ve gotten offended.

_“Oh yeah Lance Lance! You were pretty cool.” Was it a lie? Keith didn’t know, his time before the Garrison was a blur. And during._

Lance still would’ve been offended.

_“Yeah sorry about always ignoring you, I’ve always been a socially awkward guy and I don’t remember because I focused on my work entirely but don’t feel bad about it, I don’t remember anyone.”_

Lance wouldn’t get it, he’d probably just get upset and uppity and make Keith feel like more of a loner.

Keith turned on his side, facing the emptiness of his room. Anyone who said that a dark room was only black had to be lying. If you just lay there and let your mind wander, you can see little squiggles of color.

Keith watched it, trying to focus on not sweating. There was a lot of reds and blues and Keith thought of Lance again. It had been over a year since they’d become paladins, maybe even closer to two years. In that time a… a lot had changed. About Keith, about the way he thinks and acts.

About Lance, too. Keith had watched it. Lance had shot up another half inch, and a lot of his freckles were still oddly prominent, and he held his bayard with a sense of lost purpose.

At the start, Keith thought Lance was rude, goofy, a little oblivious, that he felt like he held the world in his fingertips. Gods, Keith wished he could go back in time to tell himself what he knew now.

Lance was so _so_ much more.

When Black has chosen Keith was when he really noticed Lance’s change. Lance came to him, he tried to help, and again when Keith was in his room after training, Lance came to him. Lance was caring and insecure and gentle in a kind of way that made Keith think the boy was born to take care of children and family and-

Lance always watched his friends. When the tone got too heavy, he made a joke and they’d all laugh. Especially Pidge. When Pidge was down Lance would lay down in the same room as her and just talk while she worked- not to be a pest, but to give her something to distract herself from her brother, her father, her mom on earth who probably thought the worst.

When Keith tried to help, he ended up saying the wrong things. Like that night Lance had come to him, just the two of them, and it had been on Keith to make his feel better.

Keith felt like he’d done a shit job at that.

“Leave the math to Pidge.” Was the most he could say to let Lance know how much he meant to him, how desperately Keith needed him there.

_“Without you here, I don’t know how I’d be able to function. You always remind me to have a level head, and Team Voltron would probably start crumbling without you.”_

Would Lance have believed it? Keith hoped so. He hoped on the smallest of realistic expectations that Lance had somehow, _miraculously_ understood what Keith wanted to say.

_“You mean the world to me and if you could only realize that it would make my life so much easier.”_

Keith had so many things he wanted to say but couldn’t get them past the lump in his throat.

_“I want the best for your life, and I’d like to be in that. I want to be able to remind you every day how much you mean to me.”_

He had full speeches drawn out in his head but he couldn’t for the life of him get it out. Why?

_“Lance, listen, when we first met I know you hated me and I can’t blame you. I was abrupt, heedless, a fucking jerk. But I want to think that you’ve come to… to not hate me. You don’t have to love me, you don’t even have to like me, I just want you to know that when I look at you I see someone so worthy of goddamn everything.”_

Why? They were just _words_.

 _“I’ve almost died during battle because I was too damn busy looking at you. Lotor’s generals could’ve taken my head off because I was standing there, middle of everything, just thinking about how graceful you looked while you fought. A few times when you’ve saved my life, I was just thinking about how amazing of a shot you are and just-_ wow.”

Why?

_“I love you more than I thought possible.”_

Keith lay there, watching the blue squiggles. He closed his burning eyes and tried to sleep, but all he could see was red and purple and Lance’s body mangled and broken by galrans. Lance, the one person who deserved to make it home more than anyone, was never going to see his family again.


End file.
